Why is Marriage So Difficult?
Marriage and long-term relationships are exacting. They require hard work and great effort to do well. They start out with such promise. A man and woman meet and experience an exciting attraction to each other. They arrange an informal date to get acquainted and soon they cannot bear to be apart. The thought of the other produces a thrill anticipating their next meeting. Everything is fun when they are together. Little things that would normally annoy them are overlooked and do not matter. Each is thoughtful and attentive to the other. They feel like “soulmates” even anticipating the other’s needs and desires. They talk to each other hours at a time never running out of interesting things to say.
Soon, it is understood that they are exclusive to each other. With this commitment, an unsettling feeling of vulnerability begins to grow. Maybe one loves more than they are being loved? Could it be that the other is secretly playing the field in case this relationship does not work out? Secret tests enter the dynamics of the relationship in an effort to gage the commitment and the depth of love in the other. Joy takes on an edge of insecurity and suspicion. Apparent innocuous questions which are designed to investigate pass between them. Exciting anticipation of being together is replaced with the need to be together to know where the other person is and what they are doing. The little things which were overlooked become occasions to vent the uncertainty and insecurity building between them. Fun and inspiring anticipation are replaced by angry fights and passionate making up. Misery functions as a drug tying them together.
If this describes your relationship or your marriage, get help now to bring back the passion and joy which brought you together. If you live in the Sacramento valley, we at www.marriagecounseling.com are here to help.
Copyright 2011 – Dr. Orville E. Easterly All Rights Reserved – Do not copy.